I was trying to get out and attack my Monday when I got a message from Sim. I kid you not, the conversation went like this, WORD FOR WORD.Sim: Hello Matthew. what are you doing this Saturday
Heath: … to go to Jamaica’s first serial killers’ house
Sim: Don’t make it sound so bad. It’s a castle.
Heath: Sorry. To go to Jamaica’s first serial killers’ CASTLE.
I mean first of all, how I Love these girls so; I thee cannot count the ways. If it weren’t for them I am positive my resume of cool and amazing things (including but not limited to: Shark Diving, Van Camping, Real Camping, Intercontinental Scuba Diving, Swimming with Pigs, Watching turtles hatch, Visiting the center of Jamaica) would perhaps never happen.
But it gets better! What they forgot to tell me was that this was a Mother’s Day present for Auntie Deirdre, possibly the coolest Mother to walk the planet. Whilst the rest of our mom’s are content to get flowers or go to dinner she wants to go visit the relics of Jamaica’s first serial killer. (note: Please don’t send me hate mail about why its great to give flowers or go to dinner, its a joke!). In any case, I always find conversations with their mom fascinating as she is so descriptive and knowledgeable. The only crappy part is never having anything to contribute to our conversations. After she tells me a story about the legends of a donkeys cross how do I follow that up with ‘well I ate a whole pizza Tuesday night!’ She prolly thinks I’m deaf or dumb!
So considering my hectic weekend schedule I was going to decline, but I realized I was working in Ochi the Friday night and it wasn’t so much out of the way. Besides, of course I was fascinated, I didn’t realize Jamaica even had a serial killer so perhaps he was the first and only. Not to be offensive (#sorrynotsorry) but things like serial killers, mass shootings and couples torturing children in their basement are more aligned with American culture. The Jamaica I know, we have to worry about things like bad man, gunmen, potholes and bad taxi drivers (who are now called Macaroni…but that’s another blog post for another day).
The story of Jamaica’s first serial killer, Lewis Hutchison, is truly what movies are made of. Leatherface (AKA The Texas Chainsaw Massacre’s antagonist) has nothing on Hutchinson who was nicknamed The Mad Master of Edinburgh Castle. He basically sat atop his hill plucking off passer by’s one by one and dismembering them and throwing them in a hole (aptly named Hutchinson’s hole) for vultures to ‘carry on where he left off’. I mean, this all happened in the late 1700s so there was no Reneto Adams back then to deal with the likes of Hutchinson! From how the article goes hesitation and fear took root amongst ‘the officials’ so this madman was left to just carry on plucking off people for awhile’s it would seem!
I’d like to think If I were living way back then I may have been safe from Hutchinson’s grasp. The night before we visited the castle I was climbing Highway 2000 when a man with car troubles nearly jumped out at me waving for help! I’m not ashamed to say I kept on driving. Its a sad state of the world we live in (and apparently from this article it didn’t just start yesterday) but I was too afraid to stop at 11 pm in pitch darkness to help strangers in fear of being robbed or killed! I’m not saying I wouldn’t in any case, but just that I am extremely cautious which I’ve found is oftentimes a good place to be in this world. (side note: I called 119 and gave them a mile marker and told them about the guy with car troubles). I’d like to think that I could have seen Hutchinson and labeled him a creep from a mile away!
All of that and I haven’t even gone into our actual visit to Edinburgh castle (not in Edinburgh fyi, but the guy was Scottish). That’s because there honestly isn’t much to say about the actual visit. It’s a nice drive out, a few animals short of a petting zoo, a little walk around castle ruins (which isn’t bigger than most people’s living room by the way) and a great excuse to spend time with some of my favorite people. But the real thrill is having been there and knowing the atrocities that took place there! and if you’re wondering what I bring to this equation why these girls have kept me around, well it’s because of my bargain hunting, quick wit and willingness to play driver on any and all expeditions.